So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
