i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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