Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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