I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
