she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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