Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
