I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
