Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i've created a new STD.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
