I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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