I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
