He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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