I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
