So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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