She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
