Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
