The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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