I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize