You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
