Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
