u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
