out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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