I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
