Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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