one two three fourrrrnication!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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