Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think a kid would responsible me up
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
