I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
