Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just cropdusted the office
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
