I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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