We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize