The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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