K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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