The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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