Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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