Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
