a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
