My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
