I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
