went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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