can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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