I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
