I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize