just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
