worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
