It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
