peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
