Im at strip club and am horny
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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