Got a toothbrush?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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