i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
