She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
