I CAN MOONWALK!
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
