I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
