she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
