The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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