I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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