I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
