You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
