Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
