Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
