She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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