I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize