Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
