please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
