dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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