can u get pink eye on your cock?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
