You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
