College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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