i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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