A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
