he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
