went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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