He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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