i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
