there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
