How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
