Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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