Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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