Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
