It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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