we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
