Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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