I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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