Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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