i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This house was built for laser tag.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
