I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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